He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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