oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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