there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We left the knife in your bed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
