your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize