Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
