when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
