is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Randomize
