I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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