he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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