i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
