I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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