i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
