awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
