I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
