Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
