can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
