She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
