the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
