Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
