Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
