i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
