google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
