At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
