whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
