Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.

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(647): View more from Ontario

I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

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(315): View more from New York

Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

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(817): View more from Texas

And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas

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(847): View more from Illinois

He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

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(406): View more from Montana

I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday

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(775): View more from Nevada

I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.

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