im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
