no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
