I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
