u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
