I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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