people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
