Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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