Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
