Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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