just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
