is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm at about main and main street
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
