you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
