4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
