we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
