I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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