His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i need an iv and a liver transplant
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize