my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
