Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
