Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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