i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
