Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
