Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
