Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You made out with two different species that night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
