is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
