it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize