You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
