I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
