i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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