y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The struggles of a small town man whore
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
