those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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