dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
