her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just invented taco cereal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize