Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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