I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
