Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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