I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
