Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
