fuck your aforementioned shoe
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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