Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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