You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is the high leading the old right now
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
