So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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