i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
