For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
