I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
