I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
