Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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