I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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