coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
