I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
