I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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