Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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